


We are kick butt incorporated.

by C Square (Emiko842)



Series: iwWuT [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: AHH, Angry Mob, Gen, Guns, I'm sure SCIENCE will be involved at some point, Rude - Freeform, That's how you tag these things right, What it's like people don't like you if you have spider legs coming out of your sides, adventuring bros, in a world where guns aren't even a thing yet, prince!dave, with a shoutpoll
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-23
Updated: 2014-09-23
Packaged: 2018-02-18 11:22:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2346659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emiko842/pseuds/C%20Square
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Jade and Jake are adventuring bros, Grandpa was kind of a weird guy, and sometimes it's ok to fail a quest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We are kick butt incorporated.

Jade

You're fighting a mob of angry townspeople.

This is immensely stupid. Humans are stupid. 

Ok, not all humans! But still! These people were perfectly friendly until your innkeeper decided to spy on Jake changing. And she could have just asked you to leave but noooooo, screaming like she was seeing someone murdered and gathering an angry mob was apparently the way to go. 

At least you try to be careful when knocking them out. A rifle is a bit tricky to work with as a bludgeoning object, but at least it's better than Jake's weapons. For the moment he's given up with the pistols and is trying an old bout of fisticuffs. With his fists. 

You slam the butt of your rifle into a lady's chin and strife your way over to back him up. 

"Well this is a jolly pickle we have ourselves in, Jade!" 

"I knooow, lets just get out of here!" You kick a man in the willywho and start running. 

Once you get out of town the mob stops following you. Flopping down on a grassy patch you glare at Jake. 

"That has to be the tenth time we've been found out because someone wanted to ogle your butt!" Pfft he's going red as a tomato, but really, why doesn't anyone want to ogle your butt?? Yours is way better, it even has a tail! Lost in these sad thoughts you almost miss his response.

"Well it's not like I very well want them to! Codswallop sis do you think she saw my joyflapper?"

\---

 

Jake   


You're still a bit peeved.

That's ok though, you have Jade to make sure you don't mope. One soul wrenching monologue and she's kicking you into hunting for supper. 

Hunting normally cheers you up and you're back to half chipper in a jiffy! With a dead howlbeast. 

Your genetic sibling gives you a look you don't quite have the toolbox to tackle when you bring it back. 

"That's a wolf, Jake." 

"Right-O old girl! Nabbed the beastie on a hunt, concentrating on his prey and didn't even notice me giving him the double pistol."

"Jake, I'm part wolf."

"I'd never think any different, Sis. You used to chase your tail when we were tikes for cripes sake!" 

"Soooo, do you eat spiders?" Well that question came out of the blue! You hope she's feeling alright, she has been a bit down in the dumps. 

"Only on dares! I've made a pretty penny from our shared adopted family on that one." Jade is still giving you a capital L Look, but she dose end up helping you gut the dastardly fiend. 

You're eating howlbeast stew when you almost kill the messenger crow. It's not your fault, strictly speaking, the crow was being very suspicious. As a chap always armed to the teeth of course you had your gun pointed at the little guy before you could shake an eyelash. 

Luckily Jade is even faster than you. With a lunge she has the gun twisted out of your hand and thrown to the ground.

"Stop doing that!!! Do you remember how we were talking about proper gun ownership and safety?? THAT WASN'T IT." Her fangs are bared and you are not ashamed to admit that you live somewhat in fear of your best chum. 

"Oops . . . is that one of Sir Strider the Younger’s crows?" She rolls her eyes and stomps over to the bird (you’re pretty sure it’s giving you the evil eye). Properly humbled you shuffle over to see what she's pulling out of its cloth pouch. 

There are two things, one is a small bag that when emptied reveals eight blue eight-sided die. The other is a letter stamped with the royal seal, you look over Jade's shoulder to read it with her. 

 

 

jade bro sup   


and jake too i guess

anyway theres been some crazy shit going down on this end, and basically ilun is trying to raise a demon to end the world

youre grinning arent you fuck i shoulda known youd be getting your collective adventuring panties wet over this

well anyway, as far as we can tell they need some stuff to actually you know raise the thing

do you see where im going

ill spell it out, expatiate the fuck out of this

so we get the shit before they do then break it like toddlers first figuring out the wonders of expensive family heirlooms

and if you wanted to help out with that it would be cool

if you don't have anything else going on

one thing we know they need is this swagged out wand 

called the white magnum 

and we also know the spider has it 

know you aren't super cool on her but windfang said spider might trade these dice for it 

luck

lovs 

dave 

ps. if the dice dont make it with this letter i am firing lil richard 

pss. dont blow anything up 

psss. unless its like, super important that you have to blow this one thing up

pssss. oh and dont roll the dice

psssss. it will fuck shit up

pssssss. im not sure what shit, but there will be shit, and it will get fucked up

psssssss. whats the multiple of dice

pssssssss. die??

psssssssss. thats so fucking dumb

pssssssssss. here have these die you shit

psssssssssss. just die

pssssssssssss. what do the extra s’s even stand for at this point 

psssssssssssss. now its just like

pssssssssssssss. pee noise 

 

Jade looks up from the letter with a frown.

“Wow, what. Dave is pretty confusing sometimes, but this sounds pretty serious!!” You nod, but, some sort of dastardly plot to destroy the world? A quest that will involve someone who you have an important connection to!! It's is really what your little team of two is for; someone has to blow down doors and come in guns blazing to save last minute posterior. 

Jade’s studying your face, it’s times like these that you wish you could read expressions better. “Jake? Do you want to sit this one out?” Well that certainly startles you out of your momentary funk. 

“What the fucking hell chum? Dastardly plot to end the world, a quest into the most deadly black market in Ourhom, and you’re planning to leave me out?!!” She grins and shoots you a double finger pistols and a wink.

"Sounds like an Adventure then!!" 

And if your palms are sweating, well blimey, what sane chap wouldn't be worried about The Spider?

**Author's Note:**

> Soooooooo, I've been having some trouble with the next chapter of IRFIUTT so I decided to take my frustration out on this. 
> 
> Which is nice since this is already plotted out and everything
> 
> There were some illustrations that went with it but I decided I didn't like them enough to add them, I'll probably put them on the blog for this AU at some point 
> 
> Which can be found here http://iwwut-verse.tumblr.com/
> 
> I enjoy getting asks


End file.
